Dating is a joke. I hate dating and I hate being rejected.

Life sucks.

December... End of 2008

So here it is, the end of the year. And what's happened? Hmmm not THAT much apparently. Ok, I'm downplaying it, but seriously. Nothing super crazy has happened in my life and I'm pretty much alright with that. I guess. Let's start from the beginning shall we?

Highlights of Christy's 2008

January: moved from SF to LA, back in with the parents.

February: applied to grad school, enrolled in a Stats class in preparation for grad school

March: interviewed for grad school, got a crappy job at a spa

April: accepted into grad school

May: turned 25 years old... quarter of a century and what do I have to really show for myself? Well, I guess grad school...

June: finished stats and got an A... A for AMAZING, quit my crappy job

July: wow, nothing-ness... no job, no school, no money, and yet no problem

August: still nothing-ness until the end of the month when I started my grad program

September: school, got another job... not crappy but crappy commute

October: went on my FIRST date in like 6 months

November: went on another first date with another guy, actually enjoyed myself?

December: finished school (well my first semester and it feels soooo good), still working, still going on dates with the same guy

So it hasn't been THAT bad of a year. Just a little boring. I wish I could put some more action into this post but not too much has actually happened. To sum up my year in 12 short sentences... well that's a little sad. But hey, whatever! I'm pretty excited (and scared) to see what the new year brings. Hopefully excitement and happiness, but we shall SEE. I'm not holding my breath..

I still have great friends and I live rent free so life is pretty good.

November

Ahh well the end of November is quickly approaching. I have about three more weeks of school, a few final papers, and yet... no tests. SWEET. I took one test for my Assessment class, but it was retarded (about as retarded as the midterm). The prof gives us the questions and answers to study and then he checks our tests before we turn it in so that we're not missing anything (or at least missing a lot... on the midterm I missed one damn point). So hopefully I did well on that test last week. But we shall see.

As far as life in general, it's looking pretty good I think. I was supposed to meet up with this random guy I met online on Saturday... and he turned out to be a psycho even before I hung out with him. Let me explain...

We randomly started chatting last week and I gave him my AIM SN. He would constantly IM me (even when my status was away... which I don't really mind when it's someone that I talk to on a regular basis, but that's pretty weird for a guy I JUST started talking to). Anyway. I gave him my number because we had plans to hang out this last Saturday. He called me on Wednesday and we chatted for like 30-40 minutes... Anyway, I told him that he should feel honored that I talked to him at all since it's rare for me to talk to anyone on the phone. So what does he do? Calls me again on Friday at like 6 pm just to TALK. What the heezy... I was about to take a nap and he called to ask what I did all day. So effing weird.

So Saturday rolls around and Susie tells me that she gets 33% off at the Rack so I decide to blow off random internet guy and I was nice enough to be honest. This was our conversation:

Me: Sorry, can't make it later today... I'm not canceling... just postponing
Him: Oh. Did something come up?
Me: Yeah... actually I'm going to be perfectly honest and say that I'm going shopping... my friend gets a huge discount and I can't miss it... it only comes around like once a year. I'm really really sorry but we'll meet up later in the week.
Him: That's lame. I think you just don't want to hang out and you're just making up an excuse.
Me; uh... Well I'm telling the truth so take it or leave it
Him: Well, call me after you go shopping and let me know how it goes to make feel better
Me: uh... I'll call if I have time, but I'm going to be pretty busy for the rest of the night

PSYCHO. And he wasn't like OVERTLY crazy, just crazy enough. I could see him being a really needy, clingy, and annoying guy to date. Yikes.

Anyway, he IM'ed me last night and said, "Don't get mad, but I don't think I want to hang out anymore"... ahhh he took the words right out of my MOUTH. Thank goodness. I didn't really feel like getting stabbed anyway.

But, I have gone on a few dates with this other random guy... and I actually like him. I go on dates with him because I actually WANT to... not because I think it's good practice. So... we'll see how this turns out. :) I'm actually excited to be excited.

Epiphany

So.. being in a counseling grad program really makes you re-evaluate who you think you are. I was promised at the beginning of the program that I will leave a different person... and interestingly enough, I've already had an epiphany about myself. Amazing. Anyway, I've realized that I have a really really difficult time dealing with sadness. But not in the way you think.

It's hard for me to witness sad people... especially people who are crying. At first I thought it was just pure empathy ("Oh, I'm such a PEOPLE person that I cab just feel everyone else's feelings"). But then I realized it's not just empathy. I want people to stop crying for self-serving purposes. I can't bear to watch people cry because it just plain freaks me out. I've realized that I hate hate HATE feeling sad and expressing sadness. I have two gears: happy and angry. That's it. Two speeds. Two. That's it. Eh, maybe a third... neutral. Hm.

Anywhoo... I think I did my own fair share of crying in my teenage years and early 20s. Now I'm just this bitter old bitch who lacks any real human emotion because I'm over compensating for sadness. I feel as though I'm just kinda moving through life without really living. I need to reevaluate my thought-process.

Crying and sadness do not equal weakness. (repeat)

NOTE: sorry this is kind of a downer if anyone is actually reading, but this thought has been kind of consuming me for the past few days.

Uh... This is amazing.